silly emo rant
while things with the boy have never been better, as we're quickly approaching the one year anniversary, i'm starting to feel lonely when it comes to friends. of course i'm not really lonely as i have a great boyfriend and awesome flatmate who are the best company (and always reliable) whether i feel like a big night out or just lazing around the house. but i just feel i'm being distanced from friends... both my fault and theirs. i do love spending time with the boy, and people are always busy with work, busy with other friends, stressed out, freaking out, not wanting to go out or socialise (with me? or with everyone? i never know)...
i sincerely feel like i do keep trying, or at least DID try, and as a result of being turned down, i end up spending all my time with the boy. then it seems like i only want to do things with him, and people dont include me or just assume i wouldn't want to hang out with them, so then i just make plans with the boy because i can always count on him....its turning into a big ugly circle and i feel like i'm drifting further and further away.
i miss having a best friend. i guess i'm just living in the past too much and not accepting that people change and friendships evolve and most times its not the way you want.
what brought on this emo rant? i think my hormones are a bit whacky atm. Probably PMS... this is the first month i've been off the pill in .... god..... 5 years? so who knows what my hormones are doing (i've had to go off the pill leading up to the surgery), and i watched Grosse Point Blank today and it got me thinking about my high school reunion in 2008, and whether we'll have one and how it would be catching up with my friends from high school.
and it made me sad to realize i've lost contact with all of my best friends from high school. there was 7 of us- 1 moved to sydney, 1 stayed in bundy and the other 4 and myself moved to brisbane... i always felt like i drifted away sooner than the others. i sometimes wish i hadn't.
i wanted to stay in touch with fiona more than the others, but she's such a free spirit, a social butterfly and just so darn popular with everyone, it always felt like an uphill battle to gain her attention.
i feel the same way now with other people in my life.
i sincerely feel like i do keep trying, or at least DID try, and as a result of being turned down, i end up spending all my time with the boy. then it seems like i only want to do things with him, and people dont include me or just assume i wouldn't want to hang out with them, so then i just make plans with the boy because i can always count on him....its turning into a big ugly circle and i feel like i'm drifting further and further away.
i miss having a best friend. i guess i'm just living in the past too much and not accepting that people change and friendships evolve and most times its not the way you want.
what brought on this emo rant? i think my hormones are a bit whacky atm. Probably PMS... this is the first month i've been off the pill in .... god..... 5 years? so who knows what my hormones are doing (i've had to go off the pill leading up to the surgery), and i watched Grosse Point Blank today and it got me thinking about my high school reunion in 2008, and whether we'll have one and how it would be catching up with my friends from high school.
and it made me sad to realize i've lost contact with all of my best friends from high school. there was 7 of us- 1 moved to sydney, 1 stayed in bundy and the other 4 and myself moved to brisbane... i always felt like i drifted away sooner than the others. i sometimes wish i hadn't.
i wanted to stay in touch with fiona more than the others, but she's such a free spirit, a social butterfly and just so darn popular with everyone, it always felt like an uphill battle to gain her attention.
i feel the same way now with other people in my life.
7 Comments:
At May 29, 2006 4:17 PM, Robert said…
Losing your friends and having to solely rely on your partner for company is, sadly, part of becoming an adult. Adults (our parents) never have really close friends - at least not if they're still married.
The best lesson ever taught is 'Never grow up', however, so if you're smart, you'll keep trying to both keep and make friends.
At May 29, 2006 5:16 PM, reanon said…
making friends = not too hard.
keeping best friends = hard.
At May 29, 2006 7:08 PM, verbs said…
Robert said a lot of what I was thinking. The older you get, the smaller your circle of close friends becomes. I've tried the never growing up bit, and whilst it works to a degree, who you are close to at any point in time is constantly changing.
It's not a bad thing, as life does twist and turn constantly as you grow, but it is, in many ways sad.
Don't despair. :)
At May 29, 2006 9:32 PM, Anonymous said…
very subjective subject and it cannot be answered in a matter of a fact way like Robert - You don't lose friends just because you have a partner and grow older. Friends, I believe come in waves with old school friends, being replaced with uni friends who are later replaced with work friends...Pez
At May 29, 2006 11:19 PM, reanon said…
but work friends are just that. WORK friends. although i love everyone at work, and i seem to spend more time with them then other non-work friends, but if i left that job i wouldn't hang out with them anymore.
so do you keep gaining and losing friends every time you change jobs? how can you get really close to someone that way?
At May 30, 2006 7:19 AM, DelightfulJen said…
I understand what you mean about the whole friend thing.
I think as you get older, it becomes harder to maintain friendships. People study different things, do different jobs, mix with different people, so there is less and less common ground. I pretty much only have one good friend now, and it's due to the effort on both of our parts to make the effort to email each other, and come and visit (She now lives in WA.)
I guess to find close friends again, you'd need to look for someone who also wanted a close friend, it's a lot of work, and it's much easier to be just friends with someone (like work friends) than it is to put the time into deeloping a good friendship. I don't think people are lazy, or lose friends on purpose, it just happens because people don't invest the time in friendships anymore.
At May 31, 2006 6:04 PM, Captain Happy Pants said…
I can sympathise since moving to Brisbane in 2001 I have not made one friend... I have people that I know but no one I would call a friend.
I also am quite an introvert... I did a personality thing for work and only 2% of the people who have done this test thingy are more introverted than I, sorta makes it hard to speak to people...
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