Its been about 6 days and its going ok. The first couple of mornings felt wierd... after breakfast I'd hover around the lounge room/dining room, feeling like I had to do something before going to have a shower, but that feeling is slowly passing.

Friday - I had a glass of red wine at lunch time, but didn't feel like a cigarette as we walked back to the office. Being around people, and non-smokers makes it alot easier. But after work, I had a few more drinks and the urges started. I stayed back at the office til about 8pm, and that helped (I dont usually smoke when at work- its too much of a hassle to go down 10 floors), but I got home about 8.30pm and Cindy was out.... I still felt slightly buzzed from the few drinks and I was home alone. This has always been my biggest smoking time.. well no, going out to a club/pub and drinking is where I will smoke the most. But smoking when home alone is definitely close second.

I caved and rolled a cigarette. I lit up and had a couple of quick puffs and then felt so guilty, I stubbed it out and ran inside to have a shower. Once I'm showered and in my pj's I'm not likely to have a cigarette (I don't want to go to bed smelling of smoke). As I ran to the shower, I totally had a head spin!!!! It could have also been the booze, and lack of food, but part of it was definitely the nicotine head spin. It's been years since I've felt that, and I have to admit I felt pretty sick in my stomach.

The rest of the weekend I steered clear of alcohol, as I know it will only lead to me wanting to smoke. I kept busy, and spent lots of time with the Boy (non-smoker and asthmatic, so he's the best deterrent) and didn't crave a smoke once. Not even when his sister and friend were lighting up.

RESPONSE TO COMMENT & EMAILS: Why don't I go on patches? Honestly, I dont think I'm really addicted to the nicotine. I was smoking at most, 2 cigarettes at day during the week. of course the weekend was my blow out time - I'd smoke so many when I was out and drinking... its mostly a mental thing... smoking a cigarette was somethign to do with my hands, something to do when bored, something to do when angry/stressed.

Shouldn't I reset the counter? I figure a momentary lapse is to be expected when going cold turkey. It's not like I took up smoking again, it was just a lapse. A moment of weakness.

I'm not going to beat myself up about it, feel like I've failed etc. I stopped myself after a few puffs and naturally felt pretty disgusted in myself. But rather than sulking or thinking "fuck it, I might as well smoke again", I'm just going to keep on going. Think about what lead me to lapsing, and try to stop it from happening again in the future.
Of course, I'm not going to cop out and let myself continually get away with sneaking an occasional cigarette here and there. If I lapse again, smoke more than a cigarette etc etc, I might reset the counter.
But the counter is counting how many days since I QUIT smoking. I had still quit even when I had those few puffs, I didn't take it up again, so the counter is still valid.