My hormonal insanity has hit an all time high. I don't suffer from PMS very bad, or very often. Maybe every third month or something, I'll have a mini crisis. Sometimes its the week before *ahem*, the visit of my monthly friend, sometimes its the week of. How can the shedding of uterus lining and hormones affect my sanity and rational thought so much?
I'm not a moody person and I think I'm usually pretty rational.
I KNOW its my hormones, I tell myself its just hormones making me feel this way.... but I can't stop the neurosis.

Today I was in a weird mood which turned into stress after lunch, over nothing of course. There was nothing making me stressed, only everything.. every little thing. The boy asked what was the matter and his caring made me get upset. I knew I was being stupid and there was nothing making me upset but the fact that he cared enough and was concerned, made me upset (at myself, not him). Being upset made me start babbling like a crazy person. I realised and tried to shut myself up.
The boy was still concerned, which was so sweet and flattering. But those nice feelings quickly turned to worry - worry that my crazy behaviour would scare him off and push him away.

ARGH, its an endless cycle of crazy!

After work I went over to say goodbye before heading to the gym. I put on a brave face to reassure him AND myself that everything was fine. I was still 100% aware that its all hormones, nothing more.

For no reason I fell apart in the lift and tears started welling up. I sent an sms saying maybe I'm not ok but the tiny bit of rational brain I have left knows its just hormones and I'll be fine tomorrow... but maybe we could go for a coffee for chats and stuff. The boy calls straight away really worried. He misread my psycho, moody behaviour for wanting to break up, or worse...

There I was standing in the middle of the sidewalk during peak hour after work traffic, catching each tear as it springs from my eyes. I don't know why I'm crying, I just am. I try to settle his concerns. Exasperated, he checks again that I'm ok and I say yes, and goodbye and hang up before the tears start up again.

I'm getting dressed in the gym locker rooms, and I realize I brought the wrong pair of tights for gym, and the waterworks start up again. (WTF?) I hide in the toilet and have a little cry, and then out to the bike and elliptical trainer to sweat my neurosis away.

I felt so good and normal afterwards and the walk home cleared my head. Now I'm completely baffled at why I was getting so upset over NOTHING. Hell, I was baffled at the time, while knowing that its just insane hormones wreaking havoc on my mind. But I couldn't stop feeling the way I did.

I'm so glad I don't feel like this very often. I'll take the mellow, stable mood over crazy highs and lows anyday.

And that's my insight into the crazy female mind for the day.