DAMNIT just my bloody luck, i found out one of my dad's favourite movies and its OUT OF PRINT!! argh, i thought even steve might be able to get it somehow. but its been out of print for a year supposedly, so it doesn't look like there is any chance of getting it. the movie is Bladerunner. i never knew dad liked that movie so much, but on the weekend his girlfriend said he's mentioned it a few times. I've been looking on ebay but it seems like all i can find is Region 1 dvds, not region 4 ones. I guess I could buy one of those anyway, and then trying to find a crack for their dvd player (so it can play multiple region dvds)...meh still got a few more days til his birthday anyway.
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Tuesday, May 31, 2005
so i guess this is my first cold for the season. judging by my past health records, i will no doubt suffer at the hands of the mighty flu god once more through-out this winter. it started off as the sore throat from hell on friday, and i took the day off work to try and nip it in the butt. i overdosed on cold and flu tablets and fruit and vitamins and rest. however my good intentions were all for nothing, when i had a few too many drinks at a family gathering up in cold cold cold kingaroy on saturday night. i woke up with a full blown cold. i rested up all i could on sunday and even took yesterday and today off work to try and get better. i'm finally started to feel ok, probably just the numbing effect from too many decongestants and panadols. but i woke up with king sized puffy eyes from crying all yesterday and last night. no, not the 'heart ripped out and trodden on' type of crying. just the much more painful 'pressure in my sinus's, eyes watering continuously' type of crying.
watching tv is difficult through streaming tears, sitting at the computer is difficult through tears. but anyways, whining aside, the days off work and rest aplenty seems to be paying off, and today is a little less painful. i have still gone through half a box of tissues, with plenty of green nasty stuff left. BUT i have angel season 5 to keep me company and that makes me happy.
god, despite having limited taste at the moment, i feel like i could eat a house. damn sit at home bored eating.
and that's all i can bring myself to type at the moment. brains cells not functioning while swimming in mucus and phlegm.
watching tv is difficult through streaming tears, sitting at the computer is difficult through tears. but anyways, whining aside, the days off work and rest aplenty seems to be paying off, and today is a little less painful. i have still gone through half a box of tissues, with plenty of green nasty stuff left. BUT i have angel season 5 to keep me company and that makes me happy.
god, despite having limited taste at the moment, i feel like i could eat a house. damn sit at home bored eating.
and that's all i can bring myself to type at the moment. brains cells not functioning while swimming in mucus and phlegm.
Thursday, May 26, 2005
7-11 has drive-thru?
there was a big smashage downstairs this afternoon. we heard the smash up here on the 10th floor. a couple of us went down to do a 7-11 run to find out what happened, however it turned out the 7-11 WAS infact ground zero.......
pic thanks to cherry.
it has to be the WORST corner ever to have an accident on - there is so much traffic (both cars and pedestrians) all the time.
this morning i started to get a really thick feeling in the back of my throat, like i needed to clear my throat or couch something up.... as the day has worn on, it has gotten sorer and thicker and its harder to swallow. fucking winter. i dont want to get sick :(
i know i shouldn't but i'm skipping gym. i feel like being motivated and utilising this time alone to work on the new layout i started weeks ago. cindy is in canberra til tomorrow nite for work, but she emailed me today saying she might have to go back to canberra, more often, for up to 5 weeks for this new job. good for her and good for her work. but bad for me, who is dependent and clingy and never ever wants to live alone. i came home after the Henry Rollins spoken word show last night, and came home to an empty cold unit. And I woke up to a cold and empty unit this morning. And i'm about to go home to a cold and empty unit now. its so fucking depressing.
the Henry Rollins show last night was awesome. I laughed so hard, my cheeks were so sore. He's just such an angry, cyncial, opinionated man - it was great. I got a couple of pics of him, I'll post them when I get home tonight.
well its getting late and I better head off if i want to pick up some medicine for my worsening sore throat. *cry* i dont want to get sick. i don't heal easily. it drags out for weeks and weeks and its so miserable, with the watery eyes and the running nose.
blah and this is just fucking typical, i'm going to Kingaroy for a family reunion/party thingy this weekend and catching up with dad- and its just fucking typical that i get sick. my parents must think i'm so unhealthy because i always seem to get sick right before I go and visit them.
meh shit its really getting late. gotta run
ps my think geek stuff arrived *see cam image or moblog image* YAY! once i recover from this spree, i want to buy stuff from here www.vintagevantage.com . there is SOOOO MUCH cool shit. i just wish postage didn't cost so much. ahhhhh i want more cool shirts!!!!
pic thanks to cherry.
it has to be the WORST corner ever to have an accident on - there is so much traffic (both cars and pedestrians) all the time.
this morning i started to get a really thick feeling in the back of my throat, like i needed to clear my throat or couch something up.... as the day has worn on, it has gotten sorer and thicker and its harder to swallow. fucking winter. i dont want to get sick :(
i know i shouldn't but i'm skipping gym. i feel like being motivated and utilising this time alone to work on the new layout i started weeks ago. cindy is in canberra til tomorrow nite for work, but she emailed me today saying she might have to go back to canberra, more often, for up to 5 weeks for this new job. good for her and good for her work. but bad for me, who is dependent and clingy and never ever wants to live alone. i came home after the Henry Rollins spoken word show last night, and came home to an empty cold unit. And I woke up to a cold and empty unit this morning. And i'm about to go home to a cold and empty unit now. its so fucking depressing.
the Henry Rollins show last night was awesome. I laughed so hard, my cheeks were so sore. He's just such an angry, cyncial, opinionated man - it was great. I got a couple of pics of him, I'll post them when I get home tonight.
well its getting late and I better head off if i want to pick up some medicine for my worsening sore throat. *cry* i dont want to get sick. i don't heal easily. it drags out for weeks and weeks and its so miserable, with the watery eyes and the running nose.
blah and this is just fucking typical, i'm going to Kingaroy for a family reunion/party thingy this weekend and catching up with dad- and its just fucking typical that i get sick. my parents must think i'm so unhealthy because i always seem to get sick right before I go and visit them.
meh shit its really getting late. gotta run
ps my think geek stuff arrived *see cam image or moblog image* YAY! once i recover from this spree, i want to buy stuff from here www.vintagevantage.com . there is SOOOO MUCH cool shit. i just wish postage didn't cost so much. ahhhhh i want more cool shirts!!!!
Saturday, May 21, 2005
this is what a night home alone will lead to
| Disorder | Rating |
| Paranoid: | Moderate |
| Schizoid: | Low |
| Schizotypal: | Moderate |
| Antisocial: | Moderate |
| Borderline: | Low |
| Histrionic: | High |
| Narcissistic: | High |
| Avoidant: | Moderate |
| Dependent: | High |
| Obsessive-Compulsive: | Low |
-- Personality Disorder Test -- -- Personality Disorder Information -- | |
I am.... Static Electricity Girl
fuck its started again for another year. as soon as it gets cold i turn into a human static electricity conducter. it happens when i'm in a cold grocery store- if i touch someone, i often zap them. come winter time, and i zap everyone and myself ALL THE FUCKING TIME. i've even had the heater on for a while, so its not that cold inside here. i got up and grab a drink of water, and touched the metal tap....ZAP!
i got up before to have a cigarette outside, and grabbed the metal handle of the balcony door....ZAP!
i came over to my laptop on the table and touched the scroll pad....ZAP!
i'm wearing ugg boots, so its not like i'm rubbing my socks against carpet or anything. i wrote a huge post about it years ago, and a bunch of people responded saying they too seemed to conduct alot of static electricity.
i dont even know what static electricity is. i mean, what is it REALLY? what causing it? what do i get it only in cold weather? maybe its cold DRY weather (as opposed to the hot humid weather we have the rest of the year) i think i have my entertainment for the night. TO THE GOOGLEMOBILE!
i got up before to have a cigarette outside, and grabbed the metal handle of the balcony door....ZAP!
i came over to my laptop on the table and touched the scroll pad....ZAP!
i'm wearing ugg boots, so its not like i'm rubbing my socks against carpet or anything. i wrote a huge post about it years ago, and a bunch of people responded saying they too seemed to conduct alot of static electricity.
i dont even know what static electricity is. i mean, what is it REALLY? what causing it? what do i get it only in cold weather? maybe its cold DRY weather (as opposed to the hot humid weather we have the rest of the year) i think i have my entertainment for the night. TO THE GOOGLEMOBILE!
Friday, May 20, 2005
i'm so worried about my sister. dad called me after lunch asking if i'd heard from her and I told him I hadn't spoken to her in a couple of days, but had spoken to mum last night. He said mum had called him because Briony hadn't gone into work today. She's in a newish job and seems to be really loving it, and she just didn't show. Mum than rang her neighbours and they told her Nony's car wasn't there. My sister is a bit of a car nut, likes to hoon around and drives pretty fast, so naturally it seems like she coudl have had an accident. she's not answering her phone, its turned off, she didn't show up to work.
i almost start crying, thinking of what could have happened. this could be the moment that changed my life, she could be dead or injured. where could she be?
my dad's a cop and although he's not working today, he said he was heading in to check the accident report.
i phoned mum at work straight away, and fortunately she confirmed that my sister isn't hurt or dead. she's been hanging out with this kelly girl and her brother, warren. warren had actually stayed over the other night, so mum thinks there's something going on romantically. good for nony. EXCEPT, she has ditched work, has turned off her phone and is at their place. mum tracked down their phone numbers through one of my sister's friends (who's a hairdresser at my mum's salon). This kelly girl answers the phone and mum can hear briony in the background. Mum asks to speak to her, and she hears Kelly saying to Briony that someone was on the phone for her. Mum can her nony asking who is it, and then saying 'nah tell them i'm on the toilet'. Kelly comes back on the phone and mum angrily tells this girl to put her on the phone NOW, this is her mother.
briony claims she called her work and left a message on the answering service. but what the fuck? this is so not like her. mum's going to get their address and then send dad around to talk to her.
i was so glad to hear she is found nice friends and a potential boyfriend. but now im worried that these are just typical dead shit bundy losers. fucking dole bludging, hotted up car loving, flanette shirt wearing druggos. too many fucking losers in bundy, nony is so much better than that.
i just wish she would turn on her phone or answer my sms's or call me back. i hate not knowing. i hate being this far away from my whole family. i can't do anything, i can't be there for them, i dont know what is going on. i get so caught up in my stupid little life, i dont keep up with theirs.
mum is ok, i know that. she has good friends for emotional support, she is financially secure.... but i'm worried for dad. he works way too much, he is wearing himself out. everytime i see him he is thinner. not an ounce of fat of him. the crazy shift work of the policeforce really takes it out of him, the paperwork is overwhelming. he is always staying back after his shift or coming in on his days off to finish the paperwork. every fucking little thing has to be written up to the nth degree. every stupid drunk and disorderly wanker roaming the bundy streets, every domestic violence call- everything involves so much paperwork. i have so much respect for the police- for every dodgy cop story you hear, there are 20 dedicated, hardworking officers doing their job well, that you dont hear of.
and then on his days off he volunteers for the helicopter rescue crew. he's on call 24 hours a day for that. he bought a house with his girlfriend and they are living together, and from what i know, finances are a bit tight. i hope more than anything that she doesn't fuck around with him- emotionally or financially. she seems nice and genuine, but who really knows. and i couldn't stand to see my dad hurt or screwed over. he's too nice and too trusting - and spent too much of his life in an unfullfilling relationship, and now all i want is for him to be happy.
i hate feeling so helpless. it feels so wrong to see your parents as the people they are- they struggle and have problems and aren't the invincible creatures who knew everything and made you feel loved and special and made everything better for you when you were young. i want to be there for them, but it scares me so much when they turn to me for comfort and emotional support. when they turn around and ask me for help, i get so scared. i dont want to be grown up, i dont want to be the problem solver. i want to bury my head in the sand. i want to stick my fingers in my ears, close my eyes and hum really loudly. i want to just keep thinking the world a simple place, where your parents are your parents- they looked after YOU, not the other way around. they knew everything, could look after themselves, never had any problems, never got sad or lonely.
life sucks, and i have a killer hangover to boot. all i want to do is sit at home with a bottle of wine, and immerse myself in the Whedon-verse, and pretend that everything is fine and dandy.
ps star wars was good- well the movie was cheesy as hell and we've been bitching about bits we hated all day long, but gold class kicked ass, my vodka plan worked perfectly and the bar tab before and after the movie resulted in way too much fun.
i got my digi cam confiscated for taking photos of myself in the pretty much empty cinema beforehand (hello BITCH, we booked the whole fucking cinema, i can do what i like. and i wasn't even pointing it at the screen, not that there was anything on), nearly toppled over in my gold class chair towards the end of the film (i was pushing the foot rests down too hard and the whole chair kinda tipped forward), recognised a guy and realized we knew each other from the interWEB (how lame are we! and how small is brisbane! heheh) , i ate an oyster and it was actually kinda good (covered in sauce and bacon bits- oyster kilpatrick? is that it), i tried to convince everyone else to eat one, bought the most adorable pair of shoes while drunk off my nut only to find this morning that they are kinda uncomfortable and possibly a bit small, tried to hold a discussion about the differences between the quality of CGI in lord of the rings and star wars, only to forget the term "CGI", smashed my wine glass in front of everyone, almost got convinced to sing karaoke, and pretty much made a drunken fool out of myself in front of my work mates. meh. a fun night tho. and at least we are all suffering today, TOGETHER.
pps- this crazy hail storm hit last night and it looked like snow afterwards. but of course i was in the cinema when this freak incident occured so i missed it all. and i was even on the right side of town for it and everything.
i almost start crying, thinking of what could have happened. this could be the moment that changed my life, she could be dead or injured. where could she be?
my dad's a cop and although he's not working today, he said he was heading in to check the accident report.
i phoned mum at work straight away, and fortunately she confirmed that my sister isn't hurt or dead. she's been hanging out with this kelly girl and her brother, warren. warren had actually stayed over the other night, so mum thinks there's something going on romantically. good for nony. EXCEPT, she has ditched work, has turned off her phone and is at their place. mum tracked down their phone numbers through one of my sister's friends (who's a hairdresser at my mum's salon). This kelly girl answers the phone and mum can hear briony in the background. Mum asks to speak to her, and she hears Kelly saying to Briony that someone was on the phone for her. Mum can her nony asking who is it, and then saying 'nah tell them i'm on the toilet'. Kelly comes back on the phone and mum angrily tells this girl to put her on the phone NOW, this is her mother.
briony claims she called her work and left a message on the answering service. but what the fuck? this is so not like her. mum's going to get their address and then send dad around to talk to her.
i was so glad to hear she is found nice friends and a potential boyfriend. but now im worried that these are just typical dead shit bundy losers. fucking dole bludging, hotted up car loving, flanette shirt wearing druggos. too many fucking losers in bundy, nony is so much better than that.
i just wish she would turn on her phone or answer my sms's or call me back. i hate not knowing. i hate being this far away from my whole family. i can't do anything, i can't be there for them, i dont know what is going on. i get so caught up in my stupid little life, i dont keep up with theirs.
mum is ok, i know that. she has good friends for emotional support, she is financially secure.... but i'm worried for dad. he works way too much, he is wearing himself out. everytime i see him he is thinner. not an ounce of fat of him. the crazy shift work of the policeforce really takes it out of him, the paperwork is overwhelming. he is always staying back after his shift or coming in on his days off to finish the paperwork. every fucking little thing has to be written up to the nth degree. every stupid drunk and disorderly wanker roaming the bundy streets, every domestic violence call- everything involves so much paperwork. i have so much respect for the police- for every dodgy cop story you hear, there are 20 dedicated, hardworking officers doing their job well, that you dont hear of.
and then on his days off he volunteers for the helicopter rescue crew. he's on call 24 hours a day for that. he bought a house with his girlfriend and they are living together, and from what i know, finances are a bit tight. i hope more than anything that she doesn't fuck around with him- emotionally or financially. she seems nice and genuine, but who really knows. and i couldn't stand to see my dad hurt or screwed over. he's too nice and too trusting - and spent too much of his life in an unfullfilling relationship, and now all i want is for him to be happy.
i hate feeling so helpless. it feels so wrong to see your parents as the people they are- they struggle and have problems and aren't the invincible creatures who knew everything and made you feel loved and special and made everything better for you when you were young. i want to be there for them, but it scares me so much when they turn to me for comfort and emotional support. when they turn around and ask me for help, i get so scared. i dont want to be grown up, i dont want to be the problem solver. i want to bury my head in the sand. i want to stick my fingers in my ears, close my eyes and hum really loudly. i want to just keep thinking the world a simple place, where your parents are your parents- they looked after YOU, not the other way around. they knew everything, could look after themselves, never had any problems, never got sad or lonely.
life sucks, and i have a killer hangover to boot. all i want to do is sit at home with a bottle of wine, and immerse myself in the Whedon-verse, and pretend that everything is fine and dandy.
ps star wars was good- well the movie was cheesy as hell and we've been bitching about bits we hated all day long, but gold class kicked ass, my vodka plan worked perfectly and the bar tab before and after the movie resulted in way too much fun.
i got my digi cam confiscated for taking photos of myself in the pretty much empty cinema beforehand (hello BITCH, we booked the whole fucking cinema, i can do what i like. and i wasn't even pointing it at the screen, not that there was anything on), nearly toppled over in my gold class chair towards the end of the film (i was pushing the foot rests down too hard and the whole chair kinda tipped forward), recognised a guy and realized we knew each other from the interWEB (how lame are we! and how small is brisbane! heheh) , i ate an oyster and it was actually kinda good (covered in sauce and bacon bits- oyster kilpatrick? is that it), i tried to convince everyone else to eat one, bought the most adorable pair of shoes while drunk off my nut only to find this morning that they are kinda uncomfortable and possibly a bit small, tried to hold a discussion about the differences between the quality of CGI in lord of the rings and star wars, only to forget the term "CGI", smashed my wine glass in front of everyone, almost got convinced to sing karaoke, and pretty much made a drunken fool out of myself in front of my work mates. meh. a fun night tho. and at least we are all suffering today, TOGETHER.
pps- this crazy hail storm hit last night and it looked like snow afterwards. but of course i was in the cinema when this freak incident occured so i missed it all. and i was even on the right side of town for it and everything.
Thursday, May 19, 2005
money saving tips
rachel calls it cheapness, i call it 'making the most, while spending the least'.... i'm sneaking vodka into the movie theatre this afternoon.
i feel i should be hanging my head in shame but instead i hold my tight-ass head high, and then giggle like a school girl because well, i'm sneaking booze into a movie theatre! hahahah how high school!
so i'm all equipped with my innocent-looking mount franklin water bottle, and will just order a jumbo sized lemonade and popcorn and TADA! fun at the cinemas. i might spend the money i save on booze, on some yummy food instead, who knows. the plan is to then head over the Pig n Whistle after the movie. i still think i should have taken tomorrow off work, but fridays are the best day of the week anyway. a glass of water to every alcoholic beverage- my mantra for the night.
i've heard so far the dialogue and parts of the story are really truly lamecore, but there is enough fighting in there to make up for it. oh well, i guess we'll wait and see.
i'm strangely excited, tho i'm sure its more for the trip to gold class, rather than the actual film.
i feel i should be hanging my head in shame but instead i hold my tight-ass head high, and then giggle like a school girl because well, i'm sneaking booze into a movie theatre! hahahah how high school!
so i'm all equipped with my innocent-looking mount franklin water bottle, and will just order a jumbo sized lemonade and popcorn and TADA! fun at the cinemas. i might spend the money i save on booze, on some yummy food instead, who knows. the plan is to then head over the Pig n Whistle after the movie. i still think i should have taken tomorrow off work, but fridays are the best day of the week anyway. a glass of water to every alcoholic beverage- my mantra for the night.
i've heard so far the dialogue and parts of the story are really truly lamecore, but there is enough fighting in there to make up for it. oh well, i guess we'll wait and see.
i'm strangely excited, tho i'm sure its more for the trip to gold class, rather than the actual film.
Tuesday, May 17, 2005
last friday, black friday- i forgot how good it is to stay up all night dancing. and i even forgot how good the empire (well technically the wonderbar, the middle level) is - i intend to return there again if you're all up for it again. (i vaguely remember taking photos - i'll have to put up at some point)
saturday - not so seedy due to not so much alcohol drunk (but equal amounts of other naughty stuff instead. hey, at least no gut-wrecking hangover to complain about).
sunday - finally got around to using the gold class passes i got from work at xmas time. cindy, rachel and i went and saw the hitchhikers guide to the galaxy. i really enjoyed it... of course there was so much they didn't cover, but i think what they did was pretty close to the books/radio show. anyways, the movie was fun, but GOLD CLASS! that's the shit. I would never pay to go, but it was pretty lush! the seats were huge and so comfy, and i was practically laying down. it was kinda bizarre seeing a movie with so few people. It felt like a big lounge room.
It was the first time I've been to gold class, and I'm going again this week!!!! ROCKIN'!!!! We've booked 2 gold class cinemas for Star Wars- Episode 3 for everyone at work, and friends and partners. This thursday, opening day! how geeky are we!
cindy is probably going to bundy with her sister this weekend, and although i wouldn't mind going home for a bit, i would prefer to have a quiet weekend at home. thinking of doing a star wars marathon - eps 4,5 & 6. and maybe catch up on a few other movies. possibly do some more on a new layout.
maybe... maybe....
i was on a blogging roll a week or so ago, what the hell happened to that? one week i'm all motivated and feeling like crapping on all the time, next week i can't think of a bloody thing to say. hohum. a few of us from work are getting some merch/clothing from thinkgeek.com (to save on goddamn international postage), and i'm getting a couple of shirts (Power tee, a Got Root hooded shirt) and a Geek Awareness bracelet. I'm very excited for my geek merchandise. how sad.
hmmmm apart from that, life is pretty craptabulous. my energies are being spent of finding the 'glass half full' side to my uneventful dating life and trying to heal my bruised ego.
saturday - not so seedy due to not so much alcohol drunk (but equal amounts of other naughty stuff instead. hey, at least no gut-wrecking hangover to complain about).
sunday - finally got around to using the gold class passes i got from work at xmas time. cindy, rachel and i went and saw the hitchhikers guide to the galaxy. i really enjoyed it... of course there was so much they didn't cover, but i think what they did was pretty close to the books/radio show. anyways, the movie was fun, but GOLD CLASS! that's the shit. I would never pay to go, but it was pretty lush! the seats were huge and so comfy, and i was practically laying down. it was kinda bizarre seeing a movie with so few people. It felt like a big lounge room.
It was the first time I've been to gold class, and I'm going again this week!!!! ROCKIN'!!!! We've booked 2 gold class cinemas for Star Wars- Episode 3 for everyone at work, and friends and partners. This thursday, opening day! how geeky are we!
cindy is probably going to bundy with her sister this weekend, and although i wouldn't mind going home for a bit, i would prefer to have a quiet weekend at home. thinking of doing a star wars marathon - eps 4,5 & 6. and maybe catch up on a few other movies. possibly do some more on a new layout.
maybe... maybe....
i was on a blogging roll a week or so ago, what the hell happened to that? one week i'm all motivated and feeling like crapping on all the time, next week i can't think of a bloody thing to say. hohum. a few of us from work are getting some merch/clothing from thinkgeek.com (to save on goddamn international postage), and i'm getting a couple of shirts (Power tee, a Got Root hooded shirt) and a Geek Awareness bracelet. I'm very excited for my geek merchandise. how sad.
hmmmm apart from that, life is pretty craptabulous. my energies are being spent of finding the 'glass half full' side to my uneventful dating life and trying to heal my bruised ego.
Friday, May 13, 2005
i can dream
I wish I could experience someone else's dreams to know what they experience. Alot of people speak about their dreams in a way that makes them seem really vivid. Mine are definately very real seeming, but its wierd. I think I dream in Sepia/black and white. Everything is very muted. Its hard to tell of course, because the more I try to remember my dreams, the more blurry they become. But i don't dream in vivid colours, not like real life. I used to have the same dreams alot.
There was this one bad dream I used to have. I guess its the closest thing to a nightmare. Its so hard to remember it though, its not like anything really happened, it was more just a horrible feeling. There was definately a robot or something in the dream. But this feeling- it was this horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach. I have relived that feeling a few times while awake too.
I don't smoke pot anymore because it makes me paranoid, but once back in high school I was home alone, got stoned and then had a shower. The repetitive sounds of the water pouring on my heads brought on that same feeling again. It was like the sound of the water got louder and louder and built up more and more and then it would just cut out and I would kinda get more alert all of a sudden. THen it would happen again. It pretty much happens every time I get stoned now. I don't like it, because it reminds me of how I felt in that bad dream.
I used to have another dream all the time. I was back in the house I lived in til I was 13. It was a old style queenslander house, with really high ceilings. The light switch in my room was a really big heavy switch. In my dreams something the light switch would be a pull switch like my best friend had in her house- pull the cord once to turn it on, pull it again to turn it off. I don't remember really what I was doing in my house, I guess I was doing different things every dream but everytime I'd go into my room I'd turn on the light and it would be this really really dull light. I could barely see. My eyes would get heavy and I would get so frustrated that I couldn't see.
I guess the obvious meaning was my frustration with my own eye sight problems. I started wearing glasses in the last couple of years living in that house. Strangely I haven't had that dream again since having laser surgery and fixing my eyesight.
Anyway the reason I started thinking about dreams is I had another vivid dream last night. Sexual. About someone I don't feel sexually about. What the hell is that about? How often are other people's dreams sexual? Because mine are ALOT! Seriously my dream-self is a right fucking slut- I have sex ALOT in my dreams. Or something its just leading up to sex.
I wonder if it means anything... don't they say dreams are your minds way of processing your day to day life? What does that mean? That I want to shag everyone I know? hahahah maybe I have some fucked up issues about sex, that my mind is trying to work through while I sleep.
But yea, I wish I could experience someone else's dreams for once, to see how different or similar mine are. In my dreams I know people are talking, but I don't really ever hear anything. Its almost like everyone is just communicating telepathically. And most times hardly anything really happens. Its just a big mish mash of feelings and touching and sights. I probably would be able to remember more if I tried to keep a dream diary. One day I might.
But seriously I love dreaming so much. Even when I have dreams about not so pleasant things- I've had dreams where I'm in a horror movie, and I know its not real and it won't hurt, but I'm still running and afraid of being cut, or hit or chopped into little bits. I have dreams about vampires all the time (obviously a consequence of watching too much buffy/angel), and I am scared of being bitten and turned. But even when these scary things happen, I still love dreaming. Part of me knows its a dream I guess.
Some people I know don't like sleeping because they don't enjoy their dreams at all. I can't imagine that.
There was this one bad dream I used to have. I guess its the closest thing to a nightmare. Its so hard to remember it though, its not like anything really happened, it was more just a horrible feeling. There was definately a robot or something in the dream. But this feeling- it was this horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach. I have relived that feeling a few times while awake too.
I don't smoke pot anymore because it makes me paranoid, but once back in high school I was home alone, got stoned and then had a shower. The repetitive sounds of the water pouring on my heads brought on that same feeling again. It was like the sound of the water got louder and louder and built up more and more and then it would just cut out and I would kinda get more alert all of a sudden. THen it would happen again. It pretty much happens every time I get stoned now. I don't like it, because it reminds me of how I felt in that bad dream.
I used to have another dream all the time. I was back in the house I lived in til I was 13. It was a old style queenslander house, with really high ceilings. The light switch in my room was a really big heavy switch. In my dreams something the light switch would be a pull switch like my best friend had in her house- pull the cord once to turn it on, pull it again to turn it off. I don't remember really what I was doing in my house, I guess I was doing different things every dream but everytime I'd go into my room I'd turn on the light and it would be this really really dull light. I could barely see. My eyes would get heavy and I would get so frustrated that I couldn't see.
I guess the obvious meaning was my frustration with my own eye sight problems. I started wearing glasses in the last couple of years living in that house. Strangely I haven't had that dream again since having laser surgery and fixing my eyesight.
Anyway the reason I started thinking about dreams is I had another vivid dream last night. Sexual. About someone I don't feel sexually about. What the hell is that about? How often are other people's dreams sexual? Because mine are ALOT! Seriously my dream-self is a right fucking slut- I have sex ALOT in my dreams. Or something its just leading up to sex.
I wonder if it means anything... don't they say dreams are your minds way of processing your day to day life? What does that mean? That I want to shag everyone I know? hahahah maybe I have some fucked up issues about sex, that my mind is trying to work through while I sleep.
But yea, I wish I could experience someone else's dreams for once, to see how different or similar mine are. In my dreams I know people are talking, but I don't really ever hear anything. Its almost like everyone is just communicating telepathically. And most times hardly anything really happens. Its just a big mish mash of feelings and touching and sights. I probably would be able to remember more if I tried to keep a dream diary. One day I might.
But seriously I love dreaming so much. Even when I have dreams about not so pleasant things- I've had dreams where I'm in a horror movie, and I know its not real and it won't hurt, but I'm still running and afraid of being cut, or hit or chopped into little bits. I have dreams about vampires all the time (obviously a consequence of watching too much buffy/angel), and I am scared of being bitten and turned. But even when these scary things happen, I still love dreaming. Part of me knows its a dream I guess.
Some people I know don't like sleeping because they don't enjoy their dreams at all. I can't imagine that.
Friday, May 06, 2005
SOBER SINCE SUNDAY! WOOT! this is both good and lame at the same time. ok so my last drink was more like 4am on monday morning. but still its been over 4 days, over 96 hours!
i know it doesn't sound like alot, but i have seriously been in alcoholic mode for the last.... well 6 months i guess. and definately these last 2 months... i will have a drink every night. it might only start off as one glass of red, but usually ends up close to 3-4. not enough to get drunk but more than what i should be drinking.
anyway its friday now and that usually means pub lunch (with a few beers) and drinking after work. although i would like to have a couple more days booze free, i know i will probably enjoy a cool beverage at both lunch and this evening. and i might have a drink or two before and/or after the Grinspoon concert on saturday night. but come sunday.... NO MORE til next weekend! i hope :
Went and saw Daniel Kitson at the Powerhouse last nite. He was hilarious, and it was to have a night out that didn't involve drinking or bands. I am feeling all cultured and crap lately- been going to see a few comedians... now i just need to go to a few musicals and plays and i'll really be feeling grown up and mature.
man, why can't i live in the states? check out the Austin City Limits Festival lineup.... 3 days, 130 bands. Tegan & Sara, Rachael Yamagata, Eisley, The Ditty Bops, Bloc Party, Death Cab for Cutie, Arcade Fire, Rilo Kiley, The Futureheads and even Missy Higgins.
*CRY*
so much good music. australian festivals are never this good. i dont seem to get into australian music that much either.
blah... why can't i find a rich, millionaire boyfriend who can pay for me to move and live over in the states?
any nice looking (shut up, i'm stupid and shallow), reasonably fit (at least), filthy rich, affectionate, emotionally open, giving and stable 25-30 year olds out there just happening to read my site? if so, contact me *wink*
maybe i can find a GET RICH QUICK scheme before september, make tonnes of money to pay for a last minute flight to the states, accommodation and tickets.
*goes back to dreaming*
i know it doesn't sound like alot, but i have seriously been in alcoholic mode for the last.... well 6 months i guess. and definately these last 2 months... i will have a drink every night. it might only start off as one glass of red, but usually ends up close to 3-4. not enough to get drunk but more than what i should be drinking.
anyway its friday now and that usually means pub lunch (with a few beers) and drinking after work. although i would like to have a couple more days booze free, i know i will probably enjoy a cool beverage at both lunch and this evening. and i might have a drink or two before and/or after the Grinspoon concert on saturday night. but come sunday.... NO MORE til next weekend! i hope :
Went and saw Daniel Kitson at the Powerhouse last nite. He was hilarious, and it was to have a night out that didn't involve drinking or bands. I am feeling all cultured and crap lately- been going to see a few comedians... now i just need to go to a few musicals and plays and i'll really be feeling grown up and mature.
man, why can't i live in the states? check out the Austin City Limits Festival lineup.... 3 days, 130 bands. Tegan & Sara, Rachael Yamagata, Eisley, The Ditty Bops, Bloc Party, Death Cab for Cutie, Arcade Fire, Rilo Kiley, The Futureheads and even Missy Higgins.
*CRY*
so much good music. australian festivals are never this good. i dont seem to get into australian music that much either.
blah... why can't i find a rich, millionaire boyfriend who can pay for me to move and live over in the states?
any nice looking (shut up, i'm stupid and shallow), reasonably fit (at least), filthy rich, affectionate, emotionally open, giving and stable 25-30 year olds out there just happening to read my site? if so, contact me *wink*
maybe i can find a GET RICH QUICK scheme before september, make tonnes of money to pay for a last minute flight to the states, accommodation and tickets.
*goes back to dreaming*
Wednesday, May 04, 2005
"He's just not that into you"
EDIT: (didn't think this random thought was worthy of a whole new post, plus i'm hoping for more feedback from said below post)
i just realized tomorrow is 05-05-05 and it made me think of 03-02-01... back in the good old e/n days... *sigh*
jansson put up a new, much anticipated layout. whatever happened to him? www.oddd.org / www.nossnaj.com
those were the days huh.
Cindy borrowed that "He's just not into you" book from her sister, and I read the first few pages this morning. It kinda got my attention, so I looked it up online. The more I read, the more this makes me just feel ill. If this is true, then I'm fucked. I'm doing EVERYTHING wrong.
Read an excerpt here.
Seriously, guys, girls, ANYONE- what do you think of this? Is he onto something?
"Don't get tricked into asking him out. If he likes you, he'll do the asking."
Is this true? Are you saying there is NO SUCH THING as a shy guy? What if he isn't sure whether you would like him, what if he's afraid of being laughed at/turned down? This theory is saying that every man out there will be brave and confident when he's 100% smitten with a girl - but I've known guys who claim to be shy, unable to work up the courage to ask a girl out.
And that's another thing- this Greg guy keeps saying things like "If he's smitten with you, he will chase you".. But not everyone is a fucking supermodel- what about average/pretty looking women? What about the women who don't turn every male head the instance they walk in the door?
What about the women who don't make men weak at the knees at the first sight of them? If the guy isn't smitten, then he won't chase after them... But isn't it possible that if she pursued him, he might give her a chance and then find they actually have alot in common and his attraction for her grows....
If she doesn't take the plunge and ask him out, he would probably never ask her out because she doesn't look like the type of girl who he thinks he would be interested in.
ARGH, this whole theory frustrates me so much. It feels like women just have to stand around, looking pretty and WAIT for a guy to pick them.
And unless you're a 4 or 5 star (according to Tucker Max's female rating system), you're just going to get overlooked.
I can't even remember the last time I was pursued by someone. I feel like I'm always the one doing the chasing. And now this book says I'm completely going about it all wrong. ARGH, how depressing.
Girls- do you agree with this theory? Has this worked for you?
Guys- Is this true? Is this how all guys really and truly work?
Read the excerpt here.
i just realized tomorrow is 05-05-05 and it made me think of 03-02-01... back in the good old e/n days... *sigh*
jansson put up a new, much anticipated layout. whatever happened to him? www.oddd.org / www.nossnaj.com
those were the days huh.
Cindy borrowed that "He's just not into you" book from her sister, and I read the first few pages this morning. It kinda got my attention, so I looked it up online. The more I read, the more this makes me just feel ill. If this is true, then I'm fucked. I'm doing EVERYTHING wrong.
Read an excerpt here.
Seriously, guys, girls, ANYONE- what do you think of this? Is he onto something?
"Don't get tricked into asking him out. If he likes you, he'll do the asking."
Is this true? Are you saying there is NO SUCH THING as a shy guy? What if he isn't sure whether you would like him, what if he's afraid of being laughed at/turned down? This theory is saying that every man out there will be brave and confident when he's 100% smitten with a girl - but I've known guys who claim to be shy, unable to work up the courage to ask a girl out.
And that's another thing- this Greg guy keeps saying things like "If he's smitten with you, he will chase you".. But not everyone is a fucking supermodel- what about average/pretty looking women? What about the women who don't turn every male head the instance they walk in the door?
What about the women who don't make men weak at the knees at the first sight of them? If the guy isn't smitten, then he won't chase after them... But isn't it possible that if she pursued him, he might give her a chance and then find they actually have alot in common and his attraction for her grows....
If she doesn't take the plunge and ask him out, he would probably never ask her out because she doesn't look like the type of girl who he thinks he would be interested in.
ARGH, this whole theory frustrates me so much. It feels like women just have to stand around, looking pretty and WAIT for a guy to pick them.
And unless you're a 4 or 5 star (according to Tucker Max's female rating system), you're just going to get overlooked.
I can't even remember the last time I was pursued by someone. I feel like I'm always the one doing the chasing. And now this book says I'm completely going about it all wrong. ARGH, how depressing.
Girls- do you agree with this theory? Has this worked for you?
Guys- Is this true? Is this how all guys really and truly work?
Read the excerpt here.
Tuesday, May 03, 2005
where do we go from here?
EDIT: 20 mins later: how good is a hot shower! steamy, burning hot, that makes you gasp and stings your skin. i look sunburnt, but god it makes me feel so much better. i keep turning the hot tap on more and more, every time i get used to the heat, i turn it up hotter again. now i think i'm ready for bed. night!
i have a sharp stabbing pain in my stomach. not my lower gut/intestines/uterus whatever.... no, this is in my stomach, or where i think my stomach actually is. it feels so high. like almost under my ribs. i dont know if its emotionally related (very possible), bad food (had left over burritos- but only one day old, so probably not), wine withdrawals (this is my first night sober in what feels like a billion years, so very likely), lack of exercise (skipped gym tonight and haven't been since last thursday), or i could still be suffering from sunday night, aka the craziest, drunken night in my whole life.
i'm wanting a cigarette even though i know it will make me feel worse. but you know when you're stressed, sad, depressed, angry, a cigarette just goes down so well (even better when it makes you feel worse/sick). its like its just what i need- physical bad feelings to go hand in hand with the emotional ones.
i think i might have one then curl up into a ball and sleep and dream. always makes me feel better. i could never suffer from insomnia. thank goodness.
i have a sharp stabbing pain in my stomach. not my lower gut/intestines/uterus whatever.... no, this is in my stomach, or where i think my stomach actually is. it feels so high. like almost under my ribs. i dont know if its emotionally related (very possible), bad food (had left over burritos- but only one day old, so probably not), wine withdrawals (this is my first night sober in what feels like a billion years, so very likely), lack of exercise (skipped gym tonight and haven't been since last thursday), or i could still be suffering from sunday night, aka the craziest, drunken night in my whole life.
i'm wanting a cigarette even though i know it will make me feel worse. but you know when you're stressed, sad, depressed, angry, a cigarette just goes down so well (even better when it makes you feel worse/sick). its like its just what i need- physical bad feelings to go hand in hand with the emotional ones.
i think i might have one then curl up into a ball and sleep and dream. always makes me feel better. i could never suffer from insomnia. thank goodness.