why, oh fucking why, would the Buffy/Angel Convention in melbourne and the Slayercon 2005 in Adelaide be held on the same weekend in july? In what fucked up universe does that make sense? HELLO, buffy fanatics would go to both, so both events could make double their takings if they were held on seperate weekends.

why is the world is harsh and cruel? DAMNIT!

so far, the Buffy/Angel convention only has James Marsters (only?), while Slayercon 2005 has Fred (Amy Acker), Darla (Julie Benz), Glory (Clare Kramer), Kennedy (Iyari Limon), the Groosalugg (Mark Lutz) and Camden Toy (played several evil characters). but SPIKE!!!! argh argh argh, what do I do? GOD DAMNIT *shakes fist at the sky*

omg omg omg omg, I promise I'll write a proper post later, just have been in a foul mood lately, but something just made my day better.

JAMES MARSTERS (aka Spike in Buffy and Angel) is playing a gig in Melbourne, Saturday July 2nd. And the Buffy/Angel Convention is that weekend too! I so want to go. I might go buy a ticket to go see him play now. However, I know very few people in Melbourne, have no idea where exactly its playing (in relationship to parts of melbourne. its being played at the HiFi Bar & Ballroom [www.thehifi.com.au] 125 Swanston Street), places to stay etc. PLUS I'm such a baby when it comes to going to things alone.

BUT ITS SPIKE!!!! ARGH!!!!! And I've always wanted to go to a Buffy/Angel Convention, and geek it up. alsjdflasdfkjsadl

3.30pm and my ibook is no where to be seen. *cry*

It appears my plans for a live BBQ cam may not happen. I phoned iinet to check up on my adsl application (today is the 8th working day and they said between 5-10 working days). The girl says she will check.... and tells me that the ETA of the line activation is today!!!! woot! Good news. Then she asks me to hold while she checks something else.. and comes back to tell me that in fact my line is activated already! woot! More good news. Of course Telstra are slack on informing iinet about the line activation, but that's ok. I'll forgive them this time.

So, I ask about the wireless modem/router thingy... and she tells me that now my line is activated the hardware will be sent out. Unfortunately it wont be sent until tomorrow morning and will not arrive in Brisbane til Wednesday.. oh wait! Its a public holiday so I wont get it til Thursday! DAMNIT!!!!!!

Even if my ibook arrives, I wont have the wireless modem.

*sniff*

However, the tiny glimpse of hope is thanks to Aaron, who has a dsl modem (not wireless) and a big ass cable. So IF the ibook arrives today or tomorrow, I may be able to run the cable out on to the balcony and over the side, and HOPEFULLY its long enough so I can plug in my laptop without having it dangle a metre from the ground or something.

Ahhhhh I'm in a foul mood, not helped by the fact that I'm looking forward to the arrival of my sweet baby. Which is yet to be named. Heather asked me what I would call it, and I said I couldn't call it Buffy since my ipod and work computer are both called that already. I jokingly suggested I should call it Angel or Willow and she emailed me back with this:

"Well willow could work.
It's a laptop, it's not a main machine....yes it's more flexible but it's not the main character, it's a sidekick. Sometimes more liked than the main character but still a peripheral.
Now Mac's and especially the laptops are known for their style and design. I have allways totally admired (been fixated and obsessed) by willows style and fashions. Not so business like, but extremely stylish.
I just put waaaay too much thought into that."

Oh she is such a dag! But it actually makes sense, so I am tentatively planning to call it Willow.

A piece of good news, (though its only good news because I'm selfish and needy) is Rach may make it to the BBQ now. Her evil bosses are... well, evil and took away her public holiday shift. I would boycott Subway in her honour, except I rarely eat it anyway. I dont know why, because its so darn tasty, especially with extra olives and pickles... mmmm pickles.

I'm getting Cindy addicted to Buffy... we're working our way slowly through season 1. I could watch it over and over and over and never get sick of it. However, we spent all of yesterday afternoon watching 11 episodes of lost (oh dear god i'm addicted), and movies last night and today. It's been a pretty crap ass weekend. If only my ibook had been here, it would have been a good distraction from the crappy, lonely feeling I've had for a while now.

I gave into drunken temptation on friday night and sent steve some pathetic sms's, saying how much I missed him and wanted to call him, yet everytime we see each other, I feel my heart get smooshed and ripped up again. I dont know what to do. I hurt when I see him and I hurt when I dont. I know I will continue to ebb and flow between coping and dealing and not for some time now. But I really was fine for a while and I guess I'm just disappointed in myself for sinking into this minor depression. And I know I don't want to see steve, because he has a mountain of his own issues and problems and I dont want to get involved in them, not anymore. I get too involved, I care too much, and then I just stress and its all bad.

Anyway, he called me back last night and I wanted so badly to see him, but I knew that I would just end up upset and then when one of us had to go home it would be even worse. I passed out on the couch and he called back, but my tiredness gave me the inner strength to say no to meeting up with him. And then my tiredness saved me from a night of crying in my pillow, and I passed out again almost straight away. Cin and I have had a good day and its been mildly busy. Her older sister Abby came over with Jordan, her one and a half year old. We drove out to Toombul for some shopping, grocery shopping and Cindy and I babysat Jordan while Abby went to the movies. Being at a suburban shopping center, wearing daggy clothes and thongs, and pushing a pram/holding a toddler, I imagined that every person looking at me was thinking "ooh look at the teen mother"(ok not a teen but you know what i mean).... However, considering we were in the burbs and most of my fellow shoppers were in fact teen mothers, bogans or lame skater guys, I dont think anyone was really thinking that.

We walked past Steve's place on the way to the video store, and I was thinking maybe I would call him and see if he wanted to catch up tonight. But there was blond hair up on the balcony and I can only imagine it was that slutface Michelle, and my heart/stomach was torn up once again. So I try to deal and pretend I am fine, by stuffing myself with food, getting involved in Buffy episodes and plan to drink til I pass out. I dont really want to talk to Cindy about this stuff, and I dont really have anyone else to confide in (people have their own issues, and obviously think they cope better by isolating themselves.) So drink til I pass out sounds like the good option.

ibook should arrive tomorrow, which makes me temporarily happy. And the BBQ on wednesday is a great distraction from everything that sucks.

I got an email at 6.30pm last night saying its been shipped, and since david's came the day after, I should be expecting the ibook to arrive on Monday morning!!!!!

asjdflasjdfsj i want to scream i'm so sad. i am seriously on the verge of crying *note: we had a very long extended lunch at the pub and much beer was drunk*.... MY IBOOK HASNT ARRIVED!!!! we ordered our ibooks on tuesday... i got carried away with work and stressing over what exactly to get, so when 2pm rolled around and i asked david if he wanted to order his ibook now, he told me he had already ordered it. about 10am.... ok so that's fine. my order goes in a little after 2pm. cool cool

this morning we get to work and david has an email "your ibook was shipped on the 20th and will arrive within 5 days".... DAMN, where is my email? i refresh my inbox all day long but NOTHING!

anyway, its 3.35pm... i'm sitting here, trying to work, bopping away to music, feeling a bit pissy from extended lunch (i had only gotten back to the office at 3pm), and i hear "OH shit dont tell rhiannon!" my ears prick up and i jump up on the desk to peer over the partition.

what do i see? DAVID HOLDING HIS FUCKING IBOOK BOX!1!!!! WHAT THE FUCK?!?!?!?!?!!??! i still haven't even gotten an email to say its on its way and he has his already. i ordered it 4 HOURS after he ordered his, yet mine is no where to be seen.

i want to cry :( its the arab curse. i teased david about going to the mexican restuarant the other night (its his favourite food), and now karma is paying me back. first i leave my left overs at home the next day (when i was so looking forward to eating left over mexican, and rubbing it in his face... not literally).... and now my ibook order seems to have been overlooked, while his is attended to in record time.



FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!

Has everyone voted for the Triple J Hottest 100? If not, GO VOTE NOW! As I was voting, I saw the 'register your party' link, so I registered my Australia Day BBQ.... It would be hilarious if they actually called during the day! I was really hoping the iBook would have arrived by next Wednesday (I placed the order yesterday afternoon through work), so then I could have 'Live BBQ Cam' happening throughout the day. But it says 6-8 days delivery (and I guess that means working days), so I'm not sure it will be here in time. If we have net up and running, I might be able to use my old webcam on Adam's PC downstairs (since the BBQ will be downstairs in the courtyard, not upstairs where my computer is)...... But yea, my fingers are still crossed the net is hooked up AND the laptop comes before next wednesday. How cool would that be?

Steve got on the same bus as me (he's now one stop away), so we were forced to make awkward conversation. He rang me late friday night, wanting to catch up, and in my drunkeness it seemed like a good idea. It just ended in alot of tears and going over the same old stuff, and emotional confusion. He apologised and came over briefly on Saturday, and then on Sunday phoned again wanting to catch up. I wanted to, because I do miss him, but it just brought up all the same old shit again, and we ended up getting pissed off at each other, him walking away, me shouting something stupid, then sending a mad sms later on. This is what happens when we try to force the 'lets be friends' thing, I think.

I want to be fine with seeing him, I want to be fine with being friends. But I do miss him too much, so seeing him is both great and crap at the same time. Being with him makes me feel good and crap at the same time. And then when he or I leave it makes me just feel like poo all over again, and I'm back where I started- trying to get over him.

Anyway, that's that little update. I've been trying to keep busy with work, gym, spending time with Rachel and Cindy. Cindy has been really good company lately. We were going to go to the RG for Trivia Night and cheap meals tonight, but Cindy's friends had to pull out at the last minute, so we're probably just going to find somewhere for dinner and a few drinks, just for something to do. Might go out with all my new flatmates to the new Montezuma's restaurant that just opened down the road. mmmmm mexican food.

completely random, possibly will explain why later: but would anyone know where i could get a hold of a copy of the Kylie Minogue video clip to "Confide in Me"? from about 1994? It doesn't need to be a dvd rip of the clip or anything, can be quite small, I dont mind. I haven't looked at any shareware programs, as I am on dial up at home. But yea, let me know if you can help.

I'm thinking of making the switch to mac. For a long time I had a tainted perception of macs... Our first family computer in 1987 or so was a Mac. It was awesome at first. I loved all the games on it, especially Dark Castle.

My neighbours had a Mac as well and we used to play Dark Castle obsessively. Usually the eldest son next door would control the movements, while one of us younger kids would control the arm and the rock throwing. What team work!

Anyway, having a mac (well just having a computer) made me cool for a few years. However by 1992 or so, everyone was getting into PC's. We had 4 Pc's and 4 Mac's at our primary school and the PC's had far better games than the Mac's crappy 'Wheel of Fortune'. The Pc's had one of those games where you type in your commands "Go to the door and open it...." and the computer would respond "The door is locked"... but it had kick ass graphics (for the time), full colour etc etc.

So my mac just became an embarassment and after many years of whining and complaining, it got the boot and was replaced with a fabulous new PC in 1996. Fast forward a couple of years and I move to Brisbane to start uni and of course I had a new PC. I started my second course only to find everyone raving on about Mac's.... I chuckled at the absurdity of the idea that a MAC could be better than a PC.... only to discover how filth they were! (AHAHHAHAH i said filth).

By this stage I was a poor uni student, and what little money I did have went straight to alcohol (and that hasn't really changed, has it?), so I was in no position to upgrade to a Mac. And there was part of me that was scared... would I be able to chat on msn on a Mac? Could I use my webcam? I used to cam chat with American Rhi via MSN....but I could do never do that with another friend who had a Mac. So yea, years went by and I stuck by my PC.

Race forward to January 2005.... My PC is a piece of poo. After years of random boys downloading porn, funny vids, trailers, games and being stupid net surfers and going to all the wrong sites, pressing ok to every pop up, my computer is no doubt full of viruses and crap. Now my home is boy-free, I would like to fix my computer situation. So my options are either reformat my current computer (which is 2 years old, and in my opinion, pretty crap). I hate the HUGE ASS monitor, it takes up all of my little computer desk and is so bulky and heavy, but buying a flat LCD screen would no doubt set me back $700 or more. I would love to get one of those new Mac mini's, but that still doesn't solve my monitor issue.

A few of the guys at work are already Mac fans, and David has been looking into getting a 12" ibook... So the other day, I tag along as a bunch of guys wander down to the Mac shop...... wow, I want everything! I really liked the look of the eMac (still a little bulky i guess but its all in one!). However, IF i get a laptop through work, we can do this salary sacrificing thingy (i really dont understand how this works)... but if I was to get the laptop, it would end up costing me a little over a grand, rather than the $1599 it retails for!!!!!!!! And rather than paying it upfront, I pay work back over a series of months....

What does everyone think? Mac vs PC? If Mac, then what about a 12" ibook? For internet at home, we are getting a Wireless Router (so Adam can have net on his computer downstairs and I can have it on my computer upstairs). I was just going to have to get an Ethernet Card for my current PC, so I could plug it in, but the laptop comes with an Airport card. Would that suffice, or would it be better to plug it in when at home? And if so, how would I do that? Would the laptop already come with an ethernet point thingy? Having a laptop would be a handy extra for work, and would be all I need for my home internet usage. And for the price, I figure, why the hell not?

Big Brother 5 auditions are next weekend in brisbane. I really want to go, although they are out at the St Lucia campus which would be a bit of a bitch to get to really really early in the morning. And it would mean no going out on Friday (or staying back at work).... FRIDAY IS MY NIGHT DAMNIT! However, I've made excuses the past 4 years and always wished I had applied, and this year its not video tape submission, its actually LIVE auditions. There will no doubt be people camping there to get a place in the line (they start at 9am on saturday and sunday).... At least its not winter time I guess.

Every year I think 'naaaah Big Brother is just getting lamer and lamer" but every year when it comes on tv I regret not applying. I know my chances of getting on are SLIM but I guess its worth a shot. I dont know why I would love to be a part of it- well ok, I do. I just want to be on tv, I want my 15 minutes of fame, who knows if it could lead to anything. Plus I like the idea of being in the fish bowl. Hell, I've had this site for so long, this was always my kind of mini Big Brother. This is me, this is my life- Come read about it. Of course I sensor alot on here and that wouldn't be the case on BB... and I guess I'm scared of what the public would think of me, what dirty secrets would be aired etc. hahaha but at the same time, that's what makes it so appealing. People knowing who you are, wanting to know more, watching you always.

Part of me would love to cause a scene! Australian Big Brother has had NO SEX, so it would be exciting to change that. But I would hate to embarass my parents, so I could never do something like that.

Anyway, I'll try not to make excuses this year and at least give it a shot.

My 'time alone' has ended. Chantelle and Adam slept at our place last night. I had gone over to Rach's and when I got home, I went downstairs to talk to my new flatmates. We ended up having a few drinks and were talking til 1am. I felt like shite this morning (it was because I mixed drinks- red wine, beer, vodka), but I enjoyed getting to know them. OOOH i can't wait to see downstairs once its all set up and everything.

AND I'm going to have an Australia Day BBQ/Triple J Hottest 100/housewarming! Apart from Heather's hens night, I've never really had a party/gathering at my place (always been too embarassed by the state of the place or something), but with new flatmates and my new cookbooks (xmas present from mum) I want to host a gathering! Will borrow the portable BBQ from work and get everyone to bring their own booze and meat, and I'll make salads and snacks etc.

After being home for Xmas, Mum's love for 'having people over' and 'dinner parties' is starting to rub off on me.

last night was my first night home alone... empty house... and it was wierd! i was bored, but i was also enjoying my own company. no net made me feel so out of touch with everyone so i called a couple of people just to say hi. i sang loudly in the shower. i cooked myself dinner, had some wine, watched bad tv shows, and washed up my little one person mess. no other way to describe it, but nicely wierd.

this morning was more of the same. i said good morning to my favourite bus driver, and realized that those were the first words i'd spoken all morning. i dont know why that creeped me out so much. i guess i'm just a chatty person and like to talk... i hadn't sung in the shower, talked to the tv or anything. i hadn't said a word for the whole hour and half i had been awake. eeep. i dont know how people live alone for years and years. i crave people too much.

These are my new snazzy home phones. I plugged them in today and had a play around with the settings and answering machine message. I also got a new home phone number today, so if anyone had my old one, you can now delete that one.

First day back at work has gone well. I'm glad to be back. I've missed watching Dead Like Me at lunch times. David found an article saying the WB are considering picking up the recently cancelled series. God, i hope so.. There is just so many questions being brought up, that I can't imagine they will be able to answer by the end of series 2. And unlike Firefly, I dont see there being a Dead Like Me movie in future years, though how cool would that be? Speaking of Firefly, does anyone know when that is due for release? I so need to buy that next on dvd.

I picked up Buffy Season 7 part 2 today with my HMV voucher (Xmas present from work), and then I just need need part 1 and my collection is complete. Then Angel season 5 soon! Lost is coming to oz tv in Feb too. gah so many good tv shows.. I want to own them all!

Not even half way through watching Felicity with rachel and nony... *cry* nony wont get to watch the rest of it now! Mum and her drove back early this morning. I dont think its hit me yet, her leaving. It seems bizarre that my sister moving out is affecting more than my ex, but I was even surprised how well we were getting along. I know she's not dead and we're still friends, but I will miss having someone with the same silly humour as me. Someone who will laugh at retarded gym people with me, make stupid noises with me. RACHEL COME BACK TO GYM! its not the same without you or nony.

well we've got the net here for one more night. james, i dont know why i can't just 'churn' over to the new ISP. i phoned iinet the other day to inquire about it, and the rude, unhelpful guy I spoke to tried to tell me that they couldn't do anything, not even submit the application until the current adsl had been moved 'off' the phone line. once it was moved off and the phone line was clear for iinet to use, it would then take 2 weeks for the application to go through. so what does 'churn' mean?
anyone in brisbane recommend a good ISP? I have known some people who used iinet in the past and it seems good and cheap. The bliink 512 lite plan seems like the way to go. 512/128kb, 12GB download limit for $59.95 a month.

OOH glenn has finally put up some of his photos from new years. check out his moblog for pics. I'm also going to put them up in my photo gallery.

I'm losing the net at home for a couple of weeks. I am actually kind of freaking out about it because i'm so used to being online every evening. I never make local phone calls to any of my friends because they too are always online. I'm going to feel so out of touch with everyone, which is stupid because I'll be online at work and be able to stay in touch that way.

But yea, the net is just my security blanket.

I'm wanting to go through a different ISP this time... And I can't even put in the application until this net account has been moved off this line, which will happen tomorrow. Then it takes 2 weeks for the application to go through. BAH!

Mum is down here just for a night. She drove down with my aunty, uncle and 2 young cousins.... who are not that young anymore. Madison is 11 and so grown up. Growing boobs, dyes her hair, has acrylic nails on (they were for her graduation.. she got all dressed up for it.) Anyway, we went into the city quickly to buy a new cordless phone, and answering machine and I bought this awesome digital one with 2 handsets. The handsets are they size of cell phones. I'm all excited about the purchase, even though its just a phone. hehehe.

Off to do some more cleaning and reorganising my room. I love when mum is here, she motivates me so much.

aimed at, but not specifically for, GIRLS.

ok you meet a guy, you become friends, you get along so well (lets just say)..... everything is great, EXCEPT he has a long term girlfriend. he flirts, you know that if you made a move he would do something back. hell, fuck it, lets just say you do something and you make out/have sex/who the fuck knows. but he cheats on his girlfriend with you, that's obvious..... now lets say down the track he breaks up with said girlfriend.....

could you EVER go out with boy knowing that he is a cheater? i mean he cheated on girlfriend with you so who says he wont do it again... cheat on YOU this time with someone else?
so girls, what do you do? things might be great now, and the idea of him cheating on you is such an inconceivable idea right now. no way! he likes you so much, he would NEVER cheat on you. but the point is, he has already... cheated on someone else... you are not perfect, so if he has done it on her (ex-girlfriend) how can you know he wont do it again?

is he just a waste of fucking breath? a waste of space? a waste of a human being? even tho he seems so great right now?

if i EVER end up in this situation i want my friends to kick me in the ass something fierce. my thoughts are, that any guy that would cheat on someone is not worth the time of day. FULL STOP. that said, everyone makes mistakes. but a mistake and a deliberate fucking action is completely different.

guys, girls, everyone. if you meet someone who you have feelings for but you are in a relationship already, have the fucking balls to end your current relationship before starting something up... dont be a pussy... a stupid, immature, lying, cheating cunt....you sad excuse for a human being. and dont be a fucking hypocrite. dont play the martyr. you will get busted and then you will lose everything..... if someone like that would even care.

people are really fucked up. i wish we weren't. it disgusts me, it makes me physically sick. the way we can treat someone we supposedly 'love' with such disrespect. that's it... disrespect. that's what hurts the most.

BAH I wrote a post this morning about how much I was digging this whole Blogger thing and how easy it was to update.... then I pressed Publish and it went to a Page Cannot Be Displayed. AAAARGH! hahahah isn't that always the way!!!!
Note to self: ALWAYS copy and paste the post in notepad before pressing Publish.

Anyway, Nony and I have been downstairs for most of the day packing up her stuff, emptying her waterbed etc etc. The removalists are coming for her stuff tomorrow, although she will then stay upstairs in my bed until monday. This is all working out perfectly because Chantelle and Adam (the couple moving in downstairs) moved some of their stuff over last night, and will be moving more over tonight and tomorrow, and will be sleeping here for the first time Friday night. Luis is still living downstairs, but they have been really understanding and cool with everything. There's always these awkward few days/weeks when flatmates move in and out, but I think its all going to work out ok.

AHHHH i just want to dance and scream with joy, but dont want to jinx myself. But I think its all going to be ok. OOH and on a random note, how fucking expensive is it to get keys cut?!?!?!? the answer is- EXPENSIVE! I had to get a whole set of keys cut to give to Chantelle and Adam on friday and it costs me $20 for 6 keys!!!! Ok so that's probably not that expensive, but I was thinking it would be like $2 a key or something like that. pfffft shows how much I know.

just when you think there could be no tears left, new ones spring up and flow out of my eyes. where is my body getting this water from? a bottle of red last night has left me parched and dehydrated big time.

I get motivated at the strangest times.... todays motivation was to finally post photos from Christmas in Bundy, New Years Eve, and New Years Day. Go to the photos section for those.

I also started the long process of cleaning this place from top to bottom. Today I did the doors and windows in the lounge room/balcony, including the door runner and window sill. I am disgusted how dirty it was. I guess we've never got in and cleaned out the sills in the 2 years living here. I figure if I'm going to be here for at least another year or more, it needs to be done.
I think I'm over cleaning for a while, and am heading back to rachel's to hang out with her and heather. <3 my girls!

Put two cam people together and they will end up talking about their blogs, and cams and other geek things. So naturally Glenn asks me what I use to update my blog.

Me: "Um... Dreamweaver. Or sometimes I just open it in notepad and type up a post in that."
Glenn: *look of horror on his face*

hehe ok not quite, but I definately felt like I was stuck in 1999 or something. Like HELLO, who manually updates their blog anymore? And manually archives everything? Not the cool kids, that's for sure.

Being the sheep that I am, always wanting to fit in and be part of the cool clique, I finally let someone convince me to use something to make my blogging easier. So here I am using blogger for the first time. Lame huh!

And now for the time consuming part- adding all my old blogs to this new fandangle blogging tool. I am almost tempted to say 'fuck it' and just start all over again, but alas I am hopeless at throwing stuff away, and that includes old posts. Unforutnatley all old comments are lost. :( I guess that kind of sucks.

Oooh and what's with blogger not having my time zone?!?!?! Because New South Wales and Victoria have daylight savings, they are 1 hour ahead of us Queenslanders. I've chosen the Australian Eastern Standard time zone as mine but it is set to the daylight savings time. *grumbles* I have to remember to always change the time back an hour.