i'm so worried about my sister. dad called me after lunch asking if i'd heard from her and I told him I hadn't spoken to her in a couple of days, but had spoken to mum last night. He said mum had called him because Briony hadn't gone into work today. She's in a newish job and seems to be really loving it, and she just didn't show. Mum than rang her neighbours and they told her Nony's car wasn't there. My sister is a bit of a car nut, likes to hoon around and drives pretty fast, so naturally it seems like she coudl have had an accident. she's not answering her phone, its turned off, she didn't show up to work.

i almost start crying, thinking of what could have happened. this could be the moment that changed my life, she could be dead or injured. where could she be?

my dad's a cop and although he's not working today, he said he was heading in to check the accident report.

i phoned mum at work straight away, and fortunately she confirmed that my sister isn't hurt or dead. she's been hanging out with this kelly girl and her brother, warren. warren had actually stayed over the other night, so mum thinks there's something going on romantically. good for nony. EXCEPT, she has ditched work, has turned off her phone and is at their place. mum tracked down their phone numbers through one of my sister's friends (who's a hairdresser at my mum's salon). This kelly girl answers the phone and mum can hear briony in the background. Mum asks to speak to her, and she hears Kelly saying to Briony that someone was on the phone for her. Mum can her nony asking who is it, and then saying 'nah tell them i'm on the toilet'. Kelly comes back on the phone and mum angrily tells this girl to put her on the phone NOW, this is her mother.

briony claims she called her work and left a message on the answering service. but what the fuck? this is so not like her. mum's going to get their address and then send dad around to talk to her.

i was so glad to hear she is found nice friends and a potential boyfriend. but now im worried that these are just typical dead shit bundy losers. fucking dole bludging, hotted up car loving, flanette shirt wearing druggos. too many fucking losers in bundy, nony is so much better than that.

i just wish she would turn on her phone or answer my sms's or call me back. i hate not knowing. i hate being this far away from my whole family. i can't do anything, i can't be there for them, i dont know what is going on. i get so caught up in my stupid little life, i dont keep up with theirs.

mum is ok, i know that. she has good friends for emotional support, she is financially secure.... but i'm worried for dad. he works way too much, he is wearing himself out. everytime i see him he is thinner. not an ounce of fat of him. the crazy shift work of the policeforce really takes it out of him, the paperwork is overwhelming. he is always staying back after his shift or coming in on his days off to finish the paperwork. every fucking little thing has to be written up to the nth degree. every stupid drunk and disorderly wanker roaming the bundy streets, every domestic violence call- everything involves so much paperwork. i have so much respect for the police- for every dodgy cop story you hear, there are 20 dedicated, hardworking officers doing their job well, that you dont hear of.

and then on his days off he volunteers for the helicopter rescue crew. he's on call 24 hours a day for that. he bought a house with his girlfriend and they are living together, and from what i know, finances are a bit tight. i hope more than anything that she doesn't fuck around with him- emotionally or financially. she seems nice and genuine, but who really knows. and i couldn't stand to see my dad hurt or screwed over. he's too nice and too trusting - and spent too much of his life in an unfullfilling relationship, and now all i want is for him to be happy.

i hate feeling so helpless. it feels so wrong to see your parents as the people they are- they struggle and have problems and aren't the invincible creatures who knew everything and made you feel loved and special and made everything better for you when you were young. i want to be there for them, but it scares me so much when they turn to me for comfort and emotional support. when they turn around and ask me for help, i get so scared. i dont want to be grown up, i dont want to be the problem solver. i want to bury my head in the sand. i want to stick my fingers in my ears, close my eyes and hum really loudly. i want to just keep thinking the world a simple place, where your parents are your parents- they looked after YOU, not the other way around. they knew everything, could look after themselves, never had any problems, never got sad or lonely.

life sucks, and i have a killer hangover to boot. all i want to do is sit at home with a bottle of wine, and immerse myself in the Whedon-verse, and pretend that everything is fine and dandy.

ps star wars was good- well the movie was cheesy as hell and we've been bitching about bits we hated all day long, but gold class kicked ass, my vodka plan worked perfectly and the bar tab before and after the movie resulted in way too much fun.

i got my digi cam confiscated for taking photos of myself in the pretty much empty cinema beforehand (hello BITCH, we booked the whole fucking cinema, i can do what i like. and i wasn't even pointing it at the screen, not that there was anything on), nearly toppled over in my gold class chair towards the end of the film (i was pushing the foot rests down too hard and the whole chair kinda tipped forward), recognised a guy and realized we knew each other from the interWEB (how lame are we! and how small is brisbane! heheh) , i ate an oyster and it was actually kinda good (covered in sauce and bacon bits- oyster kilpatrick? is that it), i tried to convince everyone else to eat one, bought the most adorable pair of shoes while drunk off my nut only to find this morning that they are kinda uncomfortable and possibly a bit small, tried to hold a discussion about the differences between the quality of CGI in lord of the rings and star wars, only to forget the term "CGI", smashed my wine glass in front of everyone, almost got convinced to sing karaoke, and pretty much made a drunken fool out of myself in front of my work mates. meh. a fun night tho. and at least we are all suffering today, TOGETHER.

pps- this crazy hail storm hit last night and it looked like snow afterwards. but of course i was in the cinema when this freak incident occured so i missed it all. and i was even on the right side of town for it and everything.