does anyone really know what they want? they say 'follow your instincts', or 'listen to your heart', but what to do when the two voices (head & heart? liver & kidneys?) whisper just as loudly as each other? seeing both sides, weighing up the pros and cons, unable to make a firm decision... its always been my curse.
i thought i wanted something. i was certain. until it was offered to me and then i freaked and worried if i could live if i got my wish. i want someone to be able to tell me what to do. tell me that this is the right thing to do, and i will be able to do it. no matter how much it hurts, i will manage if i know its the right thing to do.
but this uncertainity... not knowing if i'll regret any decision i make down the track. why can't there be something to just tell me what to do?

that said, i'm taking away the comments because i'm not in the mood for ill-informed people to make judgements, or criticize and then try and tell me to suck it up, i deserve it because i am putting my life up for show.