bits and pieces from a much larger livejournal post (aka censored for the public blog)

am having a good day so far, and the excitement of the work xmas party tomorrow is almost too much. god i get this way every thursday. "OMG OMG OMG, tomorrow is friday! which means fun and drinking and socialising and friday has so much potential, what could happen? oooh",...... anyway these good feelings are a welcome change from last nite, when everything felt like it was just getting too much. dad is here for a couple of days and within an hour of us getting home after gym, nony and dad were arguing about bank loans and car purchases and nony moving home to bundy or down to sydney... and then i told dad about my cousin maybe moving in with me, and going over all the things that are still standing in the way, and things that could go wrong with the whole "everyone move out, get new flatmates in"... and then talking about money, everyone's lack of money, stresses about money.

what happened to my life? when did everything get so complicated? i miss my less complicated life......

and nony leaving - well that's just a bundle of complicated emotions there. i will miss her heaps but with her being my sister, i just can't help but get so intricately tangled up in her life issues; money issues; job issues; what to study issues; where to move issues..... and, of course, mum and dad are so caught up in her life and are trying so hard to help her in any way they can, but of course, being parents they are constantly saying the wrong thing (ahh parental advice).... then they come to me to vent their frustrations, and she vents her frustrations to me and i just feel like i'm stuck in the middle.

everyone tells me not to care so much, not to stress about it- everyone can look after themselves, right? - but i just can't. i worry about dad, buying a house with his girlfriend who has 2 teenagers... is his trusty and generous nature being taken advantage of? Gale (his girlfriend) has been married twice already.... i haven't met her yet, but what is she like? is she nice? does she deserve my dad? is she just one of those evil women who use and abuse nice guys? then again, maybe she's nice and everything's good... then i'm glad for my dad. i hope he's happy coz he so deserves to be happy and not lonely anymore.

steve used to get so frustrated with me and say 'stop stressing over the little things, you're just working yourself up' and of course i would be all worked up and having him say that would only make me more stressed and i'd start crying or yell at someone. but i mean, its not like i WANT to stress about the little things.... i'm not doing it deliberately, and its not something i can just stop doing.... and of course, having someone get exasperated at me doesn't help one little bit.
bah, i dont know where all of that came from. ok its out now, and i feel better.

i had my first ripe, juicy mango for the summer this morning. it was sooooo delicious. it now feels like summer and christmast time now that i've had a mango and had the flesh get stuck in my teeth and the juice running down my chin. mmmm i can't wait to go home for christmast. the plan is to have a yummy lunch at mum's friends house- lots of seafood i'm sure. both of my aunties and uncles and their kids will be up too. so i think christmas will be fun this year, actually getting into the day for the sake of the young ones.